As a 7 year old in swim class I noticed that my body was different than the other kids. I thought my legs were huge. I didn’t factor in that the other kids were younger than me (I started swim lessons later than most) or that I was growing faster than even my peers. In college I dealt with bouts of depression and felt crazy half the time. Who would want to hang with me if I wasn’t happy and making jokes all the time? I had issues with both the inside and outside of me. I know the saying that goes “it’s what’s on the inside that counts,” but it still bothered me. I find it hard to believe that when I don’t like how I look on the outside, that everything on the inside is OK.
I tried leaning on the confidence of my intelligence, but it stressed me out when I didn’t know what to do with my life after completing my bachelor’s degree. I thought a tan and a little exercise would fit the bill, but life always caught up with me. I was a vegan for several years, but still wrestled with that depression I dragged from college. I tried just letting my body go and forgetting it even bothered me. I tried getting over my depression and came out happier, but still was stressed out and frustrated with how my body felt and looked. I was so frustrated in fact that one day I realized I only had one solution left.
While getting to know God more, I found that who I was was beginning to change. I had to quit dwelling on my imperfections and ask Him to free me. I had to realize that He formed me and made me for much more. I had to wrap my mind around the fact that He gave up all Heaven to save me. With the details of His character and purpose stuffed in my head I couldn’t help but want to see my life turn around for Him. I wanted to be able to be the creation He designed me to be. I can’t glorify Him without His help. I have to believe the promises even when I fail, am sick, or just don’t see quick progress.
I started to pray hard for God to rejuvenate my mind, heal my body, and destroy all evil forces that were attacking me with doubt and excuses. It is now a few months later and I am beginning to experience the desire He has given me to want to heal. He doesn’t want me to just live with a gut, foggy brain, and a pouty face. He wants to make me stronger emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Just by asking Him to give me that desire, I have seen Him turn me around. I am starting to like the body I am in because of what He has motivated me to do. Running gives me endorphines which makes me happier and it also gets rid of cortisol from stressful days. I started liking salads which has helped my digestive system. No more gut! I rely on Bible promises so that I believe the truth and not my own perception, which can fool me about my leg size amongst other things. It isn’t a magic trick that makes me better and it’s no lie that I look better when I treat my body right. God is where my value lies. Not my results. Not my comparisons. Not my progress.