I am an Autumn lover.
Everything about Fall, from the pumpkin-spiced everything to sweater weather, makes me so happy. My favorite thing about Fall, though, is picking apples. There’s something special about thinking of all the potentially sweet things I can make, searching the trees, feeling the gentle snap of the stem releasing the branch, and putting the prized fruit in my basket.
Recently I’ve been reading a book by Lysa TerKeurst entitled, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. It’s a book about coping with past, present, and future rejection and the feelings of not being enough. When I first read an excerpt of this book, I felt like God was speaking to my soul things that He’s wanted me to know for so many years.
Lysa talks candidly about her past experiences of rejection including a speaking engagement that didn’t pan out the way she had hoped to thinking her college boyfriend was going to propose to her on her birthday and in reality he had fallen in love with someone else. Her stories took me on my own journey down memory lane of all the moments I felt that sting of feeling unwanted. Some of those experiences were so tucked away in my mind that I almost forgot they were there, though the effect on me has always been present.
Watching the boy I had a crush on in second grade walk across the room to blatantly throw away the note that enclosed my heart into the waste basket of my English classroom. The five years and hundreds of emails from potential employers saying they found a more suitable candidate for the position. The boy in middle school who said I was too fat for anyone to ever like me. When a friend stopped answering my phone calls. I’m sure you have a running list too, that list that contains similar moments to these that can sabotage even the best relationships, including the one we have with God.
God has been calling me to live loved, because I am. I am the fallen, rotten apple that He picked and in doing so established my worth and value. Sure, there are so many times when I look in the mirror and hate what I see, and when someone is silent about what they think of me, I tend to assume the worst. But in the midst of that, there is God trying to reorient me to the truth of who I am to Him–I am chosen and so are you.
“You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you and I have appointed and placed and purposefully planted you, so that you would go and bear fruit and keep on bearing, and that your fruit will remain and be lasting…”
–John 15:16 (AMP)