So a couple of weeks ago I talked about experiencing burnout. Then a few weeks before that I talked about how I just never make last minute plans. Well, I thought I would give an update on how things are going and how applying last minute plans has helped to really change my perspective on life and relieve the burnout.
Last week I was standing in line at the market, waiting to pay for my fruit, when I saw these mini pomegranates sitting in a box next to the avocados. I immediately thought about how I have been needing some photo opportunities that didn’t involve calling up a friend and setting up a time. I thought to myself, “Pomegranates are interesting and colorful. Why not give these a try?”
Usually I would just talk myself out of such “nonsense” because who really has time to sit and eat the juice off of a pomegranate seed after taking the time to take pictures of them? I got a little stressed out about the idea but then realized that I needed to take the chance. Since I have been trying to let go of my fears and just do things that I have been wanting to do, this was my one small chance, which was only going to cost me $3 for 3 of them.
I mean, just a few days before, I had actually gotten myself to sit down in the comfy chair of our living room, with my laptop, and whipped out my credit card to purchase a plane ticket to go see my brother and his family. I did it without Chris’s help. I did it with my own personal credit card. I even felt OK with spending a lot right then and there. So buying 3 pomegranates really wasn’t a big deal anymore. I was on a roll and going places!
I finally got around to photographing this fruit in the evening of my day off last week. I cut up the fruit and set it up on a large cutting board in the front window, so it could get some of the last light of the day. After getting a few shots, I sat down on my ottoman, close to the floor, and started to pick away at the juicy seeds. Here I was crouched by the window, with a cutting board sitting on the radiator, watching cars drive by. Those annoying little seeds made me sit still and take in the moment. Though it wasn’t a picture perfect moment (the neighbor’s cigarette smoke was wafting through), the stillness was perfect.
Discovering that taking these little chances could release fear, was so profound. In that little moment of stillness I could see what God was doing for me. After feeling like I just couldn’t make it anymore, I was reminded that, YES, I am making it! While my mind might be tired, God is growing a part of me that has been held captive for oh. so. long. While I could be getting bent out of shape about burnout, God is showing me that fear of failure is slowly loosing it’s grip on me….
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4:18
What small things are making a difference in your life? What little moments are changing and releasing the fear in your heart?