Yesterday morning we had another incident with Emma. Like I’ve mentioned before, she’s very much like me and gets in trouble easily. This time, Jordan and I were still in our room talking before starting our day, and both girls were down playing in the living room. Or so we thought.
When Jordan walked down the hall, he heard from the kitchen, “Daddy’s coming! Hurry, we have to close it and put it away!”
Emma had instigated getting a bag of caramel corn with chocolate off the counter, and both girls were stuffing their faces as fast as they could before getting caught.
Emma knew she needed to ask permission before getting the caramel corn down, that had been the rule all week. But when she was alone she decided to do things her way, and it got her into trouble. And this time, she got her sister in trouble too.
This opened up a conversation about trust. We told her that because she kept doing things like this when we weren’t around, we didn’t trust her. We explained that trust is knowing she will stay out of trouble when we aren’t looking. And because she had broken our trust, her consequence yesterday was never leaving my sight. If I left the room for any reason, she had to come with me.
So I had a little redheaded shadow all day. We talked about trust some more during the day, and it got me thinking about trust in marriage.
Trust in marriage can be defined in the same simple manner as I explained to my 4-year-old. Trusting my husband means I believe he will stay out of trouble when I’m not around.
“Trouble” in a marriage can come in many forms. It can be spending money on a whim at the expense of paying bills, it can be looking at questionable things online, it can be a wandering eye, or even blatant infidelity. There are more examples, and each marriage has it’s own “trouble” that could hurt the trust between husband and wife.
Trust can even be affected by things in a person’s past, even if the spouse has never done anything to break trust themselves. Past relationships, abuse, or even just watching a close friend get hurt can all affect the trust in a relationship.
I struggled with trusting Jordan in the first couple years of our marriage. If he didn’t call me after work, I could quickly come to the conclusion that he was with someone else. One time his Facebook Messenger was hacked, and a fake conversation with one of his exes showed up that was very inappropriate. I happened to see it when I was using his phone to look something up (I promise, I wasn’t at the point of checking up on him!)
That incident opened up a conversation that helped us both. We were able to talk about why I was struggling with trusting him, and he was willing to take steps to reassure me.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Communication is key!! Jordan has never done anything to make me not trust him, it was only my insecurities that were causing problems. But if we hadn’t opened up and talked about it, we would probably still be struggling over trust.
If your spouse has done something to break your trust, you still need to talk. Maybe even find a counselor to mediate. Your marriage is worth it. Your spouse is worth it. You are worth it.